Being still in a world gone mad

I have been locked in a cage, metaphorical of course... but a cage nonetheless. Ironically, it has been a cage of my own making. Chaining up the dreams for reality, taking the course that was less bumpy instead of grabbing hold of my passions and running for it. Lately I've been missing my muchness... to steal a turn of phrase from the Mad Hatter.
I have allowed the hustle of the store, my lack of writing and my frustration with where I am right now bottle up inside of me... this morning as I was driving up to the store because we were short one person, I was listening to music on my phone and a song on the playlist started playing and I almost started crying.... the song was Be Still by The Fray... the words are so close to Psalm 46:10a:

Be STILL, and know that I am GOD

These words calm me this afternoon as I settle in to write. They echo through my soul as I ready myself to start preparation for Thanksgiving and Christmas... they reverberate as I think of the horrible things that are happening around me in this world.... they remind me that God is still God, no matter the circumstances, no matter what... he is God.
Take some time from your busy day to listen and reflect on this gorgeous song.
Have a blessed day.

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now.

Fear...

(n.) an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.

Why are we afraid? Why is it that we have a fear of the unknown?
I'll admit the future still makes me a little uneasy... stepping out in faith, like Peter causes my heart to leap into my throat at my palms to sweat. My stomach falls to my knees and I felt light headed.
But as I listen once again I hear God saying,

"come".

Now, this is a bit of the conversation that is going on in my head...
Out there?
yes, come on, I'm with you.
But there's water, and it's stormy.
And?
I can't swim...
So?
I don't know God...
I'm here, waiting for you.
But I'm afraid.
I know.
But how can I do this?
Because, I am with you.

Deep breath and take a step... fear begins to subside and my focus remains on God.

But then it happens.

The waves catch my eye, my stomach begins to flop and I panic... then I begin to sink. My arms flail and I cry out to God... he reaches out and saves me.
So here I stand in a familiar situation, standing on the edge of the waves and God is asking me to come out to where he is...
Do I go?
Do I follow?
Or do I just sit where I am and lose out on a great adventure?
Will you let fear run your life or will you let God take on the greatest adventure?
This morning, we sang the song Oceans (Where feet may fail) by Hillsong and I was struck by the words.
How many times do we ask God to push us and then panic when he does?
How many times do we face our fear with ridiculous faith, step out and just go?
I John 4:18 tells us that perfect love casts out fear... I pray this Monday will start with a small step of faith and begin a great adventure for you... wherever you are in life.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Enjoy the day and step out in faith on this glorious day.

Taking a spiritual inventory

in·ven·to·ry [in-vuhn-tawr-ee, -tohr-ee] plural in·ven·to·ries, verb, in·ven·to·ried, in·ven·to·ry·ing. noun 1. a complete listing of merchandise or stock on hand, work in progress, raw materials, finished goods on hand, etc., made each year by a business concern.
If you've ever held a job at a retail style store, you know what I am talking about... inventory. That day where you either go in early, or stay really late to take stock of what merchandise is in the store... the sales associates come in and scan each piece of merchandise in the store. Each piece is scanned and cataloged in the computer and infractions or missing pieces are taken into account.
It's a painstaking experience that, if you are tired or stressed in any way, can be more frustrating than anything. Each display is scanned and then counted again to verify the scanned count. After that, each section is then audited and recounted or re-scanned if necessary.

So where am I going with this?

How many times do we take stock of our lives? Ask the tough questions and are really honest with ourselves. An inventory is a catalog... a count of stock... so how does this translate to our lives? On the PBS website, they provide questions that pierce through the frivolousness at the surface of life and confront us with the value and significance this precious gift of a human life offers. Who have I been all this time?
How have I used my gift of a human life?
What do I need to "clear up" or "let go of" in order to be more peaceful?
What gives my life meaning?
For what am I grateful?
What have I learned of truth and how truthfully have I learned to live?
What have I learned of love and how well have I learned to love?
What have I learned about tenderness, vulnerability, intimacy, and communion?
What have I learned about courage, strength, power, and faith?
What have I learned of the human condition and how great is my compassion?
How can I best share what I've learned?
Who am I?

While we have this life before us, what will we do with the time that we have left? What legacy will we leave behind when we go? What will people say about us after we are gone?
It's never too early, or late to take stock of your life....
Acts 20:24 reads; However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

What will you do with the time you have left? Will you live it all with no regret. Will they say that you loved till your final breath? What will you do with the time? -Mark Schultz

Better late than never...

Yesterday flew by... and before I knew it, it was Tuesday. My day off... so instead of skipping out on my blog for the week, I am completing it now.
In church on Sunday, we sang the song "This is the day", and as I sang through my once favorite (it still holds a special place in my heart) children's church song, I read the Psalm attached to the hymn. Psalm 118:24 reads: This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Perhaps you had a great day yesterday, plan on keeping that joy through the rest of the week... maybe it wasn't such a great day for you... remember those words and keep your head up, find your joy... God is right there with you.
This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Hope that you had a wonderful Monday, I know I did!

Create a beautiful Day...

Encouragement on a rushed morning...

I dislike being late... but at the same time, I like to look nice for work... I always get those needling thoughts in the back of my mind... I'm not good enough, I'm not smart or pretty enough... and those just add to my Monday... So on this Monday, remember the one who created you and know that he did not make mistakes... to God, you are worth more than Gold.

Happy Monday!!!

So you had a bad day...

I've had my share of bad days... or the "mean reds" as Holly Golightly called them in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Whether I am at work, or simply at home, feeling lazy. There are lots of reasons for bad days. When bad days (or Mondays) happen, we have two choices... if you're like me, you sometimes choose the path of complaining... we sit and grumble and whine about how our lives are not fair. The other choice is a lot tougher... we can buck up, take the good with the bad and let our joy confuse people.
Remember Philippians 4:4? Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say, Rejoice!
There are several websites that offer lists of things to do when you are having a bad day... quick fixes to turn your day around.
All of them said that we needed to forget the situation, talk to someone who encourages us... if you need to call or skype, get in touch with someone who provides you with positive encouragement. If you read further in Philippians, verses 7 & 8 to be exact, they read: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
When you meditate on the things of God, rather than the pettiness of our own human nature... our attitudes shift.
When my bad days rear their ugly heads, I tune them out, listen to positive music... and I find that my bad mood shifts and a smile creeps onto my face.
So instead of a bad day, shift your focus and remember the words from Philippians... whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely [...] meditate on these things.
Don't let the "mean reds" or a bad mood spoil your day.... Repeat after me... Monday's are not your enemy... say it throughout the day if you need to, and have a blessed and happy Monday.

What is your favorite thing about Monday?

And no, I am allowing "the end of the day" as an answer....
Me personally, if I work, I look forward to shipment... it's a time to get a lot done. We, as a management team have to unpack and prep the shipment for our part timers to put out onto the floor. It's always an exciting time because you feel like you are racing the clock to get it all done by a specific time. This way, you can get the store in order for the customers to enjoy the new product. I really enjoy helping customers find something that they weren't expecting.
Does your Monday start with grumbling or singing?
Bless the Lord Oh my soul, oh my soul. Worship your Holy name, sing like never before, oh my soul. I'll worship your Holy name

Enjoy your Monday, let your heart be singing when the day comes to a close.

The trouble with Mondays...

It's always there, the day after Sunday.... it's commonly known as Monday.
For all the students and 9-5ers out there, it's the first day of your week. It is the beginning of your daily grind... and if you're like me, you need a little dose of caffeine to get you started on those long days.
Today is Labor day and I have to work... not only that, but I will be the only manager on duty all day. My first instinct was to complain about the fact that I worked the Fourth of July when I first began working at Cato... and then I stopped and looked at the good bits... I get Friday off, along with my normal day off during the week. So, instead of complaining about having to work today, I get to look forward to two days off... and that is something to rejoice about.
Philippians 4:4 reads: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice!
As I get home from work today, I am blessed to have a job that I love, I am blessed to have an amazing husband and stinky dog (the later of which,I am not so thankful)... and we have a home and food and clothes... What are you rejoicing for on this first Monday of the challenge?

It's gonna be one of those days...

Do you dread Mondays? Do they always seem to get you down?

Have you noticed that Mondays have gotten a bad reputation?

Somewhere, in the history of man, Mondays became the bane of our existence. I know, from my own experience, school instilled that thought into my head. Summers and weekends were sacred.
When I grew up, that was reduced to weekends, bank holidays and Christmas.
Sunday would come to a close and my stomach would fall to the pit of my stomach at the thought of going to work the next day. Nowadays, it's not so much the case... I love my job. Perhaps, this is the reason that God gave me the idea.
So, Mondays... they have become the villain in our society, stealing our joy in the final hours of Sunday, stressing us out and just plain annoying us as we think of all that we have to do.
I've decided to take a radical step of faith to hijack that way of thinking...

Challenge:

Start each Monday on a positive note... we'll have some fun debunking popular "Monday" songs, studying a verse or two and enjoying some worship time to, hopefully, change our attitudes towards this misunderstood day. There will be an opportunity to share some of the blessings you, the reader, experience, as well as some pitfalls that you found to be true about Monday.
Will you join me in accepting the challenge?
Can we learn to trust Monday, or will we learn that all Mondays really are Manic... thoughts... comments?

Living smart phones

We are living smart phones... if you think about it.
Our brains are full of information, we glean and retain information each day as we learn and then we log that information on our "sim card". Like cell phones, we also need to be, charged... physically, mentally and spiritually. We rest our bodies when we sleep, we rest our minds when we sleep and when we take some time to walk away from the worries of our lives. We recharge spiritually when we go to church, read our Bibles and pray.
So if we are living smart phones, the charger would naturally be Christ. In order for us to recharge spiritually, we need to plug in at a church, we need to plug in and read our Bible and we need to plug in to God's will.
When we are connected, we find ourselves renewed, refreshed and revitalized.
The other night when I woke up, I noticed my phones screen was dark... and my phone usually remains lit when it's attached to the charger. Long story short, it wasn't charging due to a bad cord. I found another usb cord and attached it to my phone... and presto, it started charging.
This got me thinking... unconfessed sin, living life our way, doing things we ought not do... all these things can cause a faulty connection. For example, when you have a faulty connector on a cell phone charger, you get spotty, if any charge at all... which can be frustrating.
When we confess our sins and live according to God's will, we find that our connection is strong and we are being recharged and revitalized.
We are told to Pray without ceasing I Thessalonians 5:17; what better way to connect with God, than direct communication. When we read our Bible, we connect and recharge.... Psalm 105:109 reads: Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path; If we are in the word, we are allowing God to speak through His word to us. And finally we are revitalized when we fellowship with others: For where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am among them. Matthew 18:20. Fellowship with others, challenges us, encourages us and keeps us accountable to the life that we live.
When we are plugged in, we find our hearts, minds and spirits renewed in the promises of His word. We are revitalized to serve and refreshed by the power of His love.

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!“ Morning by morning new mercies I see; All I have needed Thy hand hath provided— “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

When words fail...

music can speak for us... this song has been on my heart for the last few days.



If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)

A quick thought on jobs...

We all have to work... whether it's a corporate job, a stay at home mom, a retail gig... whatever.
These past few weeks, I have had an eye opening experience regarding work... I love my job. I love everything about it.... the people I work with, the customers... the fact that I get to help people look their best... I love it... the fact that it's fashion related is a bonus.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Colossians 3:23

The great thing about this job; there are some really great Christian girls... their attitudes, their work ethic, their love of fashion... it makes for a wonderful work environment.
Work willingly at whatever you do... If you're like me, you've had a lot of jobs that you've disliked... I've been an admin, I've been a receptionist... and there are jobs I've loved and jobs I've very much disliked... some of them, it's been hard to do my work as unto the Lord... my attitude was rough... and I was trying to please everyone around me... schmooze, kiss up... most of the time it didn't work.
Now that I am happy and enjoying my job, I work and I love it.
Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

King Sisyphus and the boulder

In the myth, Sisyphus shares one of Zeus' secrets with the river god... Zeus is angered and sends Hades to chain him up and take him to the underworld. Sisyphus tricks Hades by asking him how the chains work. Hades obliges him and ends up chained himself. But because of this, people were not dying... the gods threatened to make Sisyphus' life so miserable, until he had no choice but to let Hades go.
When it came his time to die, Sisyphus begged his wife to throw him in the square after his death... which she did. When he came to the river Styx, he complained to Persephone that his wife had not buried him corrected. She allowed him to go back to Corinth and chastise his wife, however, he refused to return to the underworld and had to be dragged back by Hermes... because of this trickery, Zeus punished him by making him push a boulder up a hill for all eternity.
Albert Einstein defines insanity as:

doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

How many times have we struggled and struggled to make everything go according to out plans, only to have them topple around us... We're like Sisyphus and the boulder... struggling to push it to the top of the hill, only to have it crash back down to the bottom.
It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole... you can push and try to force that peg through the hole, or you can find the correct hole that the peg fits into. Instead of rushing ahead, sometimes we need to be patient and bide our time... God knows what he's doing. If we try and run ahead, we may miss some amazing blessing and instead end up hurt and discouraged. But if we wait on God, follow after his plan for our lives and are patient... we will find that his blessings surround us and are far too numerous to count.
Instead of rushing into a position for a raise, ask God for clarity... I know that is what I should have done. I rushed into a position and not even three months later found myself on the job hunt again. It wasn't that I was horrible at the job, it was simply not the job for me. My personality can only abide silly people and their nonsense for so long... and, believe me, my patience was being tested every day that I went to work. But I found myself, like Sisyphus... pushing a boulder up a hill and fighting a losing battle. I felt like I was stuck in a time loop... my attitude was getting worse, bad habits were forming and I was out of touch with God.
Saturday, I found that I was able to breathe. My stomach wasn't in knots anymore... I quickly returned to my writing, reading the Bible and enjoying my quiet time in the morning instead of grudging taking five minutes to quickly read a verse and then go to bed. Prayer was slowly returning and I felt like I was changing back into who I wanted to be.
If you've ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, this might help... Bill Murray plays Phil, a egotistical meteorologist that gets stuck in a time loop on Groundhog Day. After he repeats February 2nd, several times, he finally talks with someone he's met. She suggests that he reevaluate his life... make some changes, and become a better person... when he starts to really want to change, the cycle is broken.
When I first saw this movie, I hated it... it annoyed me... probably because I didn't get the underlying message of the movie... after doing so reevaluation of my own life, I get it... even though you aren't stuck in a time loop, you can get stuck in a routine of ego, bad attitude and self centered-ness that can lead to falling into the same pattern over and over and over.
Romans 12:12 tells us to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.... when you feel like you're stuck, don't just stick it out, pray... really seek God's will for your life... you might be surprised what find.

Have a Happy and Safe Fourth of July everyone!!!!

Photo credit: "Fireworks" by: bayasaa, used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs license

Ripped Jeans, faded memories and prospects of adventure

How many times have you promised yourself that you would clean out your closet? To rid yourself of the old so that you would have room for the new... and how many of those times have you snuck a few of those pieces back into your closet instead of getting rid of them?
We all have that one article of clothing that has been in our closet for as long as we can remember.... for me, it's an old sweatshirt from College... now granted, the school has since closed and I can no longer buy the sweatshirt anywhere... but I find myself sinking back into it when I have a bad day. Surrounding myself with the familiar.... but it's a good kind of familiar... the smell of laundry, the golden ghetto couch, and the sounds of dorm life.
But what about that old statment familiarity breeds contempt? We allow ourselves to become comfortable in a situation... we hold on to the familiar and comfortable instead of moving forward...
Sure, we can look back on memories, learn from our past mistakes and talk with friends about things we've done that are long since past... but if we stay there... if we hold on to the past... what happens then? We might find ourselves falling back into old habits, putting on our old, ill-fitting and faded rags... our old self creeps back in.
Sometimes, we allow ourselves to get too comfortable.... Let me put it another way...
In The Hobbit, Bilbo is working to wrap his head around the idea of becoming a burglar... and in the film (which takes a number of liberties, I might add, but that's another blog and day altogether) states that he just needs to sit quietly for a moment... Gandalf interrupts that He has been sitting quietly for too long. He is inviting Bilbo on the adventure of a lifetime... and is shocked that Bilbo is hesitant.
Like Bilbo, We grow comfortable in our lives... we cling to the old (we have done this particular thing, this way as long as we can remember) and forget that there are adventures to be had... we fear the unknown and hold to what we know... but we are told in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that in Christ, we are a new creation... the old is gone and the new is here... Embrace the new, let go of the old. God is inviting us out on a great adventure... will we be brave enough to shed the old us and move forward?

Are we on the same page?

Have you ever been a part of a conversation where you are talking about one thing and the person that you are talking to is somewhere else entirely?

You're not on the same page...

I feel like this happens to me more often than I would like to admit... I feel like I'm being pushed one way, when really God is pulling me in the opposite direction.... it's a little awkward. It's like I'm having a one-sided conversation without actually listening to God... I hear what he wants to do, but I'm already thinking about what I want to do.
I have several friends that, with one look, we know what the other is thinking or what they are about to say.... shouldn't we try to be on that same wavelength when it comes to our spiritual lives? Striving and yearning to understand God's heart?
When we are on a different page, we often interpret our own desires as those of God... We put words in His mouth, so to speak... no pun intended...
God works in mysterious ways, His timing is perfect, He has a plan for us... we've all heard these sentiments, and if you're like me... you're thinking, I know all this... but what exactly is he planning, how long is it going to take and am I going to be put in an uncomfortable situation... When we are not on the same page with God, we get out of sync.
Do you remember Milli Vanilli? If you're too young to remember, here's the nut shell version. Singing Duo Milli Vanilli was doing a concert tour... one night, the CD they were lip-syncing to started skipping... it made the news... then they were found out to be frauds. They hadn't been singing at all... ever... They couldn't sing...
In our lives, as Christians, we are told to be geniune... to be real... but how many times do we step out of line with God's will, fail in our daily walk, or just fail. We get out of sync... like Milli Vanilli, the CD starts skipping and we are embarrassed. We are called a fraud... a hypocrite...
We may fail sometimes, and we will... we are human and we aren't perfect... *gasp*
In the midst of our selfishness, our brokenness and our self righteousness, God longs to draw us to him... to show us his perfect love and his perfect plan for our lives... take the time to have an actual conversation with Him... Listen to what he has to say and actually take steps to be on the same page... let God in...

Stories...

We've all got one... or many... but we all have one life defining moment where we know our true calling.
We know we are meant for more... we strive to become the better version of ourselves. We are driven, curious, hungry... for those of us rooted in faith, we know that they are God-given. Our hunger is for more... more of God, more of His presence, His goodness.
Our stories wind through our lives, bringing us into contact with new faces, new friendships, hardships, trials, tears, laughter and awestruck wonder....
The beauty of this life, the tragedies that we overcome... our stories, create a beautiful work of art, woven together by the master's hand.
He is sovereign and we can trust Him... taste and see that the Lord is good.

Birthday wishes and nostalgia

It's odd how birthdays bring back memories... dusty and forgotten. I have been absent from the blogging world for a stint of about three weeks and I have missed it terribly.
Work has been keeping me from writing... and it has been partially on a voluntary basis. I have been busy at work and just life in general.
This past thursday, the 18th, I celebrated my birthday... with this particular celebration, my longing for writing has returned to me....
I pray that I will have time this coming weekend to actually write.... thus producing a much longer and meaningful blog....
Thank you, dear reader for visiting my site, for keeping me from quitting when times got hard. Thank you for your patience, I will hopefully have another blog up soon.
Have a blessed remainder of your weekend.

What's that old saying? Practice makes perfect...

When I was younger, I was in band. It wasn't by choice... it was the manditory elementary band. I played the clarinet.... not my first choice... it was always in the back of my mind that I sounded like a dying duck when I played. The phrase I heard the most...

Practice makes perfect.

I didn't practice... it was my achille's heel. I wanted to be awesome at things, but I had no follow through. Sure, I wanted to (insert skill here)... I just didn't want to take the time to practice to be good at it... I was lazy. Practice is something that we have to do in order to be better at something. There are exceptions to every rule, however, for those of us that aren't prodigies... we have to work at what we love to do.
Footballers don't just lay about until a game... they practice. Actors and musicians have rehearsals. Writers have blogs, journals and other outlets to practice their craft. The list goes on and on.
One of my favorite Jane Austen novels is Pride and Prejudice. One of the characters, Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a laggard whose only accomplishment in life was being born to a wealthy family. In one scene in the novel, during a discussion about playing the piano, Lady Catherine remarks, “If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.” She has never learned how to play, she simply announces that if she had actually put any effort into it, she would have been amazing.

So what am I getting at?

Isn't this idea of practice relevant in our Christian life? We cannot just expect to acknowledge Jesus during the appropriate times and then go on with our lives as if we are no different than the person next to us. We should be different.
We should be "practicing" every day we are given...

What should we be practicing?

1. Prayer

When I pray by myself... I'm simply having a conversation. Just me and God having a chat... there is no pressure, there is no flustered babbling... it is just the two of us (and now that song is in my head), which is what prayer is really all about. God commands us to pray... He knows what I struggle with, but he wants me to talk to him openly about it. He knows what I'm dealing with, but he wants to hear it from me. The same should be true when I pray out loud in front of people... I am not praying for their ears... but God's. My petitions need no eloquent speech to make them worthy of the throne room.
We are told to pray in everything. The good, the bad, the temptation... and I know that... but sometimes... just sometimes...

I would rather pretend that God can't see me making the bad decision or saying something that I will regret later, instead of just handing my anger and frustrations over to God... but I am so very good at worrying and fretting over something silly or opening my mouth and eating my foot. I squirrel things away in the deep places of my heart instead of being open and vulnerable before God. When I do that, I find my prayer life becoming stagnant and awkward. When this happens I stop praying. Not because I don't have anything to say... believe me, I always have plenty to say (just ask my husband)... I have let sin fester in my heart and I am embarrassed to admit it. But 1 John 1:9 reminds me that: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I must decrease in order for God to increase in my life... His will, not mine be done... that is what I always need to remember. I Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to pray without ceasing. Simply talk to God.

2. Read your Bible

I love reading... I have always loved reading. The rub? I didn't always like reading the Bible. The old Testament confused me, the New Testament covicted me... and well, I wasn't a fan of feeling bad about something stupid I had done. The problem with that? When I told people that I was a Christian, the questions would come at me and I had no answers.
My reading palatte has expanded in the past few years to include some great Apologists of the past and present. I'm slowly beginning to dig into the Bible and really study what it says... work through passages that confuse me... that sort of thing. I can't just open the Bible and expect the meaning and context to just hit me... although sometimes it does blindside me in a wave of "God is awesome" or "Oh, that's what that means". Psalm 119:10-11 reads: With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You. When we are in the word, we are keeping our lives and hearts in tune with God. When we are questioned about our faith, we will know where to turn and not get stuck like I used to.
As we mature in our faith, we should be less inclined to be lazy in our faith... God wants us to chase after Him... to thirst for His goodness. God loves us with a wild and untamable love.
Will your response be to chase after God? If God is our passion, shouldn't we want to know all that we can? 2 Timothy 2:15-16 answers that for us: Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed, correctly teaching the word of truth. But avoid irreverent, empty speech, for this will produce an even greater measure of godlessness.
Lady Catherine’s fantasy allowed her to overlook her own laziness and pretend that she owed her lofty position to intrinsic merit rather than an accident of birth...
Romans 8:17 tells us that we are heirs of God, with an amazing birthright... but this shouldn't make us complacent... after all

Practice makes perfect.

God is like a dentist...

When I was younger, I was scared to death of Dentists.

It's not a bad experience that created this phobia, it was simply the pain. I'm not a sissy when it comes to pain, but when it comes to my teeth, I can't handle it.
The culmination of the bad dentist experience is the root canal... it's when the root and pulp are beginning to decay and the dentist has to go in and remove that stuff so that you are not in pain anymore or end up with an abscess (which I've heard are far more painful).
What am I getting at here?

SIN

Stick with me here.
When I was younger, I was diligent about caring for my teeth. I had heard that cavities were bad... that they hurt. I didn't want anything to do with that, so I flossed, I brushed and I took care of my teeth. As I got older, some of the things that I was so diligent at took a sideline. Yes, I brushed my teeth, but I would only floss every other day. Flossing soon stopped altogether, and I would forget to brush my teeth before I went to bed. Then the dreaded first cavity.... (enter the scary music)... I freaked out. I had to be honest with the dentist that I was getting lazy. It was embarrassing.
It changed my behavior for the next few months... after all, I didn't want that experience again. I was diligent in my brushing and flossing.... and soon it changed to what it was before. I wasn't flossing every day, I was forgetting to brush at night.

The next time I went, I found that I had to go to a specialist for a root canal.

YIKES!

I can honestly say, it was pretty painful. Chewing was difficult for a couple of days after the permanent crown was put on. I'm keeping up with brushing and doing the mouthwash thing... but I still only floss when there is something stuck in my teeth. Dentists still scare me, but it's more the thought that I have failed at perfect dental hygiene.

Can you relate?

we go to the dentist on a regular basis, and no matter how many times we come in with cavities, they remove them. They chastise us and remind us of the importance of dental hygiene and we go on with our lives.

Are you still with me?

When I first became a Christian, I was excited to learn more. I loved going to awana and sunday school. As I got older, I would read my Bible, I prayed and listened to worship music... But as time wore on, I would forget something one day and quickly make up the next day... then I was willing to let it slip. I wouldn't read my Bible for a week, or I would not pray as much as I should... that was when I would let sin into my life. A small thing at first... and it would grow. If I let it get too far, it would have consiquences, which would hurt... I'd quickly repent of my sin and go back to reading my Bible and praying and going to church. I was scared of God... I didn't want the spiritual smackdown that I knew was coming.
We all know this cycle... we let one thing slip and then we are willing to compromise in another area of our lives. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most Christians know what I am talking about... and if you didn't raise your hand... well... I hate to break it to you... we aren't perfect... we've all sinned... but there is not a huge Godly smackdown awaiting us... there is only grace.
In college, things got worse. I didn't go to church except when I was at home. I would sit through chapels and ignore what the speaker would say and I was more interested in boys than I was in my spiritual life. But I was really good at faking it. I could pretend better than most people. I prayed when I was in trouble or needed a little help from on high... After running for a while longer, I found that giving in to sin only makes things worse... it hurst more when you come back to God and ask him to remove those sinful desires from your life. It's painful and there are scars... reminders of what a life of sin can do.
These days, I'm in my Bible almost every morning, working through a verse or passage that has caught my attention. I try to listen to more positive music and my prayer life is more like a conversation than prayer.... something will get stuck occasionally, but I turn to God for help, instead of relying on my own abilities and know how to get me out.
We are all guilty of sin... but the best thing about grace? Romans 8:1 is a reminder that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.
No matter how many times we messup or fail, God is right there waiting for us when we turn around. Sometimes, we find that he's been carrying us, because we are no longer able to move.
So you see, God is like a dentist. He removes our sin... it will hurt, but he is doing it for our good. The removal of that sin helps us have a healthier spiritual life. It wil save us a lot of pain in the future! Have a wonderful and blessed Friday!

Use your words...

Words... they are all around us... the are spoken, sung, yelled, whispered and written. They communicate what we need, or they remain unspoken. When combined, they form questions, statements, demands and much more... they form friendships, build bridges... but they can also tear them down. They can build up or destroy... and in their most basic of uses, express.
Words are formed when we mouth our lips and mouths in different movements. Vowels, consonants, diphthongs, emphasis are based on the placement of the tongue. Sometimes when we speak we choose our words to spare the feelings of those around us and other times we fly off the handle and let our tongues express what we should keep silent and in our heads.
James even writes about the tongue... a whole chapter dedicated to this small part of our bodies. We often don't think about it being a big deal... we run our mouths, sometimes letting hurtful things escape and then wonder why the people around us don't want to talk to us.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Building us others [...] that it may benifit those who listen. my sarcastic and sometimes snarky side is ashamed as I write this. I know that I am not perfect, but I can take steps to guarding others from the bile that so readily spits out around certain people. This often comes in the form of me remaining silent in their presence... as the adage goes:

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I used to really like the movie Ella Enchanted, and I still like many of the values that it shares, in one scene Ella is told to hold her tongue... and she literally takes hold of her tongue. Those of you that know the story, know that when she was born, she was given the gift of doing what she was told by her fairy Godmother Lucinda. When her mean step sister finds out the secret, she uses this to her advantage, making Ella do exactly what she wants her to.
We all utilize the three learning styles, visual, verbal and kinesthetic... or if you're like me, you use all three... but as I watched that scene again this morning, it really drove the point home.
Instead of letting our tongue have power over us, take the time to think before you speak and if necessary, hold your tongue...
We can either use our words to encourage and build up, or we can tear down those around us until we have no one left... James tells us that our tongues weild great power, like a small spark can ignite a forest... our tongues can get us into a world of trouble. He also reminds us that out of our mouths come blessing and cursing and it should not be this way.
Use your words wisely and build up those around you.

A revelation 20 years in the making

I'm a Dreamer...

I'm a chaser...
I am strong, I am beautiful

I am one of a kind

.

I am priceless...

My thoughts are not the thoughts of the person sitting next to me, and for that I am grateful. I want to be joyful in everything, even when I am not happy. This week marks the last week of the Kite project... and its winding down fast. The high of pursuing a dream has started drifting lazily back to the earth leaving me with the thought "Now What?!"
I didn't finish the goal that I had set for myself, but I am not saddened by this... I am strengthened in the knowledge that I took steps to actually accomplsh it. The past weekend, I got more writing done than I have during entire project.... and I enjoyed myself, which is a big deal...


I've always had an issue with caring too much what someone else thought of me (I've shared in several posts my story and testimony)... until now.
Their opinions shaped my thought process, what I wore, how I did my hair, what I would say.... no more.
There is a song by Britt Nicole that I have fallen in love with and have been listening to it almost non stop for the past few days... the song is called Gold and it is your typical pop song with the catchy hook... the twist is... the lyrics hit home for me... it also reminded me that the only opinion of me that really matters is God's... He is the one who created me to be just the way that I am... why should I change that?
After all, we are created in the image of God... and he doesn't make mistakes.
Psalm 139 is one of my favorite chapters in Psalm... in verse 14 it tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't see anything in there that reads... oops, I messed up.
We are

fearfully

and

wonderfully

made.
Have a great week and always remember that you are priceless, we are worth more than gold!

Dead on Arrival....

"Dead on arrival at three a.m.
Heaven received the parcel I sent
Embalmed in grandiose poetry
Bloodless, lifeless, and beautifully bound and gagged
Well manicured

The prayer was left...it was not heard
Vainly voiced, unfelt, unheard
This sad routine...lay dead
Dead on arrival at three a.m.

To God such prayers must seem the miracle of modern art
A starving mind strangling a heart that's nearly dry
Whispering barely wishful thoughts
Its lips call prayer..."


So... here's the skinny... I very much dislike having to pray in public... I've always felt that I have to make a big show of it. When people are asked to pray out loud, they transform into Billy Graham and preach a sermon when all they were asked to do was bless the food, which is all well and good... for them.
When I am asked to pray out loud, I am quick with the details and done before God can even bend His head to hear the request. I'm not comfortable praying in front of people and when asked, I stutter, babble and sometimes have to stop and think about what I should say. I don't want to say something stupid in front of other people, let alone God. I want to sound smart and learned... sometimes the genius turn of phrase makes its way to my lips... and I, for a moment revel in my genius... until I realize it is a show and I am a fake.
This past week I was reading The Me I want to Be for my book group, and to my shock and dismay... it was about prayer... the one thing that I feel I am totally not qualified to discuss... and yet, guess who got to lead that discussion... yours truly (oh boy). But as I read a few things became very clear to me (thankfully)...

When I pray by myself... I'm simply having a conversation. Just me and God having a chat... there is no pressure, there is no flustered babbling... it is just the two of us (and now that song is in my head), which is what prayer is really all about. God commands us to pray... He knows what I struggle with, but he wants me to talk to him openly about it. He knows what I'm dealing with, but he wants to hear it from me. The same should be true when I pray out loud in front of people... I am not praying for their ears... but Gods. My petitions need no eloquent speech to make them worthy of the throne room.
We are told to pray in everything. The good, the bad, the temptation... and I know that... but sometimes... just sometimes...

I would rather pretend that God can't see me making the bad decision or saying something that I will regret later, instead of just handing my anger and frustrations over to God... but I am so very good at worrying and fretting over something silly or opening my mouth and eating my foot. I squirrel things away in the deep places of my heart instead of being open and vulnerable before God. When I do that, I find my prayer life becoming stagnant and awkward. When this happens I stop praying. Not because I don't have anything to say... believe me, I always have plenty to say (just ask my husband)... I have let sin fester in my heart and I am embarrassed to admit it. But 1 John 1:9 reminds me that: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Confession is not the only thing that I struggle with...I often find myself preoccupied when I pray.

What I think I should pray about and what I actually pray about are two very different things... and I feel selfish. I feel like God gets sick of hearing me talk about me. Just like the selfish child prays that there toys be broken so no one else can use them... often my motives are selfish. But I often find those are the moments that I am completely real with God... I don't try to hide, I don't try to make it flowery, I just talk... and its messy and vulnerable and mean sometimes... but when I am finished, I feel like I can breathe. We don't have to entertain the gates of heaven with lofty speeches and flowery language... we can simply come to God, as we are... broken, wounded, empty, alone, worried... He is ready to listen.

I must decrease in order for God to increase in my life... His will, not mine be done... that is what I always need to remember.

Giving Pepe Le Pew the boot...

I'm afraid... my failures sit opposite me and stare me down every time I try to write. I start to sink into the waves of my own self doubt... but I call out for God to save me. Peter had the faith to step out onto the water and go to Jesus... he would have made it too, were it not for the fear that attacked him... Jesus didn't mean for Peter to fail... He was doing great until he started to take in his surroundings, then the fear took hold and he began to sink. Peter became his own worst enemy.

Has this ever happened to you?

God lays something on your heart and, initially, you're psyched to get started. Then as you step out in faith and begin working, you start to notice the things around you, the opinions of others, your past, failures... you lose your focus, and suddenly you're panicking because you've lost focus of God and you start to sink into the sea of self doubt and fear.

The funny thing about our minds is that we can train them, rewire them, if you will... I've been reading The Me I Want to Be with a couple of friends and each week one of us take a chapter... this past week was talking about thoughts, and it really hit home with me... this was the post that I came up with:
There is a skunk infestation somewhere in my inner monologue... I can smell it, everytime I start to write.
And its distracting and its nauseating.... this skunk also brings with it the smell of failure, self doubt and sweaty socks... I think I just described the 49ers locker room after the Super Bowl last night... moving on.
I have good days and bad days... and then the really bad days... smells evoke the struggles, anxieties and failures that I keep stocked in the pantry of my mind. A little something to pull out in case my creativity becomes peckish. Instead of going for something healthy and positive, I go for the junk food... that sweet, overindulgent stuff that leaves you with that nagging feeling of regret and failure afterward.
Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Romans 12:2 reads: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I've never been one to take stock in the book the power of positive thinking... but then, it's sold millions of copies and no one has ever written a book called the stink of failure or the stench of loser-dom... so what do I know...
We've all done it... the classic pick a spot on the wall and zone out moment, whether we just need some down time, or to force the problems of the day out of our minds so we can relax... I find in those moments, my thoughts grow stagnent, like water... gunk begins to form at the bottom and glub to the surface as I try to regain my train of thought. Like Sherlock, I am desperate for work and vitality rather than stagnation. So what should occupy our thoughts? I've always found that Philippians 4:8 is a good reminder: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. When I find myself needing some down time, I grab for my film scores and a good book... usually something that will boost the creativity instead of quell it. Now negativity is another animal altogether... I tend to retreat to the furthest corner of my mind and cower there until the conversation ceases. I let the fear have a foothold and it seems to grow at an alarming rate.
We may not be able to stop the negative thoughts, but we can set our thoughts to let them slide right off us... have you even seen a ducks feathers up close when they are in the water? The water seems to bead up and roll off... the duck may still get wet, but its feathers prevent it from being drenched by the water. Setting our minds will do this for us... we won't be bullet proof, but comments and negativity would not have quite the effect on us.
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.John Milton
Our brains are amazing things... each of the neurons firing in your mind make you the awesome creation that you are. It's facinating to me that the neuron paths will actually thicken and strengthen as we use them... others seem to atrophy because of lack of use... The mind shapes the brain... each thought, each idea, they are all shaping our brains... training the neurons to fire, strengthening them. I love the reminder that when we practive hope, love or joy, our mind is actually rewiring our brains.
Positivity is difficult in a world that wants to continually blugeon us with negative ideas and thoughts of ourselves... with a world of airbrushed models and perfect teeth, how can we do anything but listen... there is a voice telling you that you were created to be who you are in this moment. The flawed, messy, sometimes neurotic neat freak that you are... just more God centered and you-ier...
God doesn't want us to fail... in fact he's our biggest fan. When we step out in faith, we need to remember that regardless of what is going on around us, we cannot fail if we keep our focus on God. Throw off fear and self doubt and confidently walk toward the dreams that God has for you.

Take stock of the little *blessings* in life

This morning as I sit awaiting the hustle and bustle of the office, the ringing telephone, clicking keys, rustling papers... I am reminded of how often I complain about mornings coming too early... although I am more of a morning person now than I was in college (a steady stream of caffiene helps).
I never take stock of the good things that are in my life... those five minutes of silence before everyone files into work, where it's just me and my thoughts (and sometimes the smell of carpet cleaner)... I take them for granted.
There is an older hymn that reads, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."
As I sat here, enjoying the silence and my breakfast biscuits (I was sad that I had no tea) but I was struck with the number of little blessings I had encountered already before the work day even began... I was alive, I have a job to go to (which lately has been a thorn in my side rather than a blessing)... those sorts of things that remind us that God loves us.
Instead of saying... Oh it's Monday... why are they always so bad? Take stock of what you have, what God has blessed you with... even on the "worst" days, we can always work to find a silver lining.
Have a great day and know you are loved!

Silence is golden... duct tape is silver...

The past few days, I have learned very quickly that silence is sometimes the best answer to eventually awkward situations. Most of the time that I open my mouth, I find that I shove my foot in up to my knee... and that's only to breathe.
I've been learning the lesson of holding my tongue (Slightly less uncomfortable than learning patience)... and what a hard lesson it is... James 3 explores this idea of taming our tongues. One of the illustrations that is used is a bit that is put into a horses mouth.
When I was 8, I owned a Quarter horse named T.C. (Taffy's Cash Bar). He was a gorgeous animal that stood close to 17 hands and towered over me... he was a rather calm horse and I loved him. When it came time to ride him, I would saddle him up... and then came the bridle. Part of the bridle, the bit, goes in the horses mouth. The purpose of this piece of metal is to control the horse... as it is connected to the reins. When the rider pulls the reins to the right, the horse turns right. When they pull left, the horse will turn left... you get the idea.

James 3:3-12 reads: When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

I always find my toes being stepped on when I read this passage... James has this way of spelling everything out, no frills, no fanciful words... just what you need to heard, how you need to hear it. He even provides handy illustrations in case you're stubbornly thick like me sometimes.
I look at it this way... just like horses, we need a bridle to guide our steps, turn us in the right direction and keep us out of trouble... God's spirit is that bridle... we should be seeking his direction, asking Him to guide our steps, our actions and most definitely, our words... the tongue may be a small part of our body... but it can cause the largest problems.
Hope you are having a blessed Monday!


Photo credit: Untitled by: Steven Lilley used under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs license

My God, pop culture and me...

I'm a movie quoter... I admit it... not always apart from the film either. If I've seen the movie enough times, I begin quoting (or singing along with) the film along with the actors. This annoys a lot of people and I have to watch myself if someone has not seen the movie... I don't want to spoil it for them.
I'm also a crier... movies, songs, if it touches me, I can't help but cry sometimes.
I have found that more often than not, pop culture has influenced a blog, a Bible study or parallels to the attributes of God. This is when I sit back and marvel at the God of the Universe.
There are many of the posts on this blog that reference songs, movies or TV shows... and I have a feeling that there will be many more (as I write this, there is a thought on the Lorax percolating in the back of my mind).
For me, this is a inspirational playground... music is a vital part of my day while I am at work... soundtracks are constantly playing while I write and at night, some of the best ideas are presented while I am working with a movie on in the background... a line or scene will pop out at me when I least expect it.
We are all of us unique with different abilities and personalities... it is the very fabric of our world. If we are each different, we each have a role to play in the world... there are researchers, pastors, salesman, writers, artists, singers... each of us has a role that we play in life with passions, goals and dreams... a passion of mine includes pop culture... I love digging around for meaning and truth in movies, music and books... it's who I am... I can't tell you how to complete an algebraic equation and I can't tell you what chemicals to mix to get a certain reaction (unless you want something melted by accident... then I'm your girl). I know my strengths and I know what areas I was not gifted in... and I stick to what I'm good at... pop culture, writing and artsy type things... combine those and you have a pretty fun past time... which I'm praying will one day become my career, if God wills it that is...
Yesterday at church, our pastor started a new sermon series entitled: What are you waiting for? and the question caught me off guard as I am always making excuses for why I'm not really doing anything with my writing like, I'm waiting on God to open the right doors, or my personal favorite... maybe this isn't what God wants me to do... the discouraging words pass through my lips before I have the courage to dispose of them.
On January 2nd of this year, I found myself embarking on the journey of chasing kites. It has opened my eyes to something... I am a lover of movies, music and all things British... I'm an introvert with a big dream of writing and someday getting over my social phobia and becoming a *gulp* speaker (you'd think with a degree in performance that I would love the spotlight... yeah, not so much the case)... there are others out there who share that love and who get me... but, there are also those who don't share my love for Tolkien, Sci-fi, mythbusters and Dr. Who that will not even take a second glance at my writing... but I'm not writing for and of them... my writing is for God, to be used by God...
C.S. Lewis wrote in his God on the Docks: “I believe that any Christian who is qualified to write a good popular book on any science may do much more good by that than by any directly apologetic work. … What we want is not more little books about Christianity, but more little books by Christians on other subjects.”
I have to agree with Lewis on this... there are plenty of great Christian speakers that reach people by the thousands... it is for this reason that I look up to Beth Moore... she not only speaks the truth of God, but she presents it with a down to earth approach. She knows that it is through God that she is reaching all these women for the Kingdom of God... She has a passion for women and she is relatable. We need more Christians like that... willing to approach things a little more unconventionally... make analogies (like Stephen Shumate's Cars and Christianity) that are easy to understand, present the gospel through music or movies... through the writings of Jane Austen or Tolkien... the possibilities are endless. God met us where we were and changed us... why can't we meet people where they are at? It might bring a very different response...
Over the past two weeks, I've discovered that my passion is for God, reaching the lost through unconventional methods and pop culture. As I stand on the edge of what seems to be a very scary height, I am presented with the question... "What are you waiting for?" and my answer is this: I am afraid... but if I let fear be the pull in my life, I will always be living on the sidelines, I will always be frustrated by my lack of movement and direction.
Taking a deep breath, I let the words of I John 4:18 wash over me and I hand my dreams over to God and finally surrender my fear, my frustration and my impatience... *gulp*

If I only had the nerve... taking chances to dream

Taking a risk in the hopes of a favorable outcome...
How often do we take chances? and I'm not talking the gambling with your life, stupid chances... I'm talking deep down, hard core, following your dream chances.
We were made to dream... after all, we were created in the image of the most spectacular dreamer of all... God. I like to think of God as a dreamer with a vivid imagination, after all, He created the world in seven days, he created us, and he created the duckbill platypus for goodness sake!
It's ten days into the Kite Project and I am realizing that I don't take enough risks... and no I won't be jumping out of a plane or swimming with sharks anytime soon (I'm not crazy, well, not that crazy... well, I don't have a death wish, let's put it that way)... I'm just saying that my lack of confidence seems to hold in check the belief in myself that I can dream God-sized dreams.
It's weird how when God wants to get something through my thick skull, he just starts repeating himself (lately it's something akin to a child poking me in my ribs saying Sarah, sarah, sarah, SARAH!!!!)... the twitter feed about God sized dreams, the facebook posts in The Kite Project about dreaming big and the successes so far... and then to top it off, my pastor will be starting a series "What are you waiting for?"... He then wrote this as a hint to what we'll be studying... Do you ever say, "I'm just not sure about God's timing", "I'm waiting on the right door to open", or "Things just don't feel right". This sermon is for you.
Aw shoot... just when I though that I could maybe back off and glide through the next few months... not so much the case. God has some amazing plans for this life, so who am I to question, slack off or give up when God hasn't given up on me. I find that when I make the excuse that God size dreams are impossible... I'm always hit with the verse that with God, all things are possible... and then I'm reminded of this: Our God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20.
Ok, I hear you God!
There is an episode of Doctor Who where they go to visit Vincent Van Gogh (portrayed by the brilliant Tony Curran), and At the end of the episode, the Doctor takes him to the future where there is a gallery full of him works to show him that his work amounted to something in the world. He takes in the people who have flocked to see his works, and are inspired by his paintings. As Van Gogh listens to the art critic talk about his command of color and the ecstatic beauty of his paintings he took in the wonder and impact of his life on others. And as I sat there bawling over this beautiful scene, and its beautiful allegory to our own lives... Every step, every chance, every dream realized... we are walking toward a time when we can look back and truly know that we did all we could to follow the dreams that God put into our hearts. We may not see the impact on others, but our dreams matter... those chances we take might not land us in the history books... but they do matter and we shouldn't be afraid to take the chances that God puts in front of us.
Time for us to be intentional about our lives! To be cliche... this isn't a dress rehearsal.
Have a blessed day!

Arguing with God, myself and inanimate objects...

Yesterday was a frustrating and somewhat miserable day... and I'm ok with that... kind of. I sat at work pouting about how frustrated and annoyed I was. I was frustrated by the lack of verbage coming forth to the pristine sheet of notebook paper in front of me. My pen hovered inches from the notebook, yet scribbled nothing... no words came, no interesting turn of phrase, nada (stupid pen)... so, last night, I relaxed, took the dog for a walk and thought. The two miles that I walked not only refreshed my brain (my thinking was that it was so cold that all the writer's block froze and crumbled away...), I was able to just breathe and enjoy a little one on one with God.
This morning as I write this, I am stil a little frustrated with myself, but much less than I was the day before... I am alert and focused, thanks to the two mile walk (I feel that mad props need to go to God on that one... it's way too cold for me to actually want to got for a walk, let alone a two mile jaunt around the neighborhood).
I don't know how many times that I have been in the very situation I was yesterday... frustrated, annoyed and banging my head against the rather imposing wall that is writers block... or, as I see it rather clearly now (I can see clearly now the rain is gone...... no? sorry) myself... I am my own writer's block. God gives me this amazing idea and then I try and make it all about my stupid pride and taking the mad props for myself... when I should be letting God write through me and giving all the glory to Him.
I started off this year with the words purpose and intention rattling around in my head and every part of my heart and soul are echoing those words... not my will but yours, I must decrease and you must increase.
Sunday at church, our pastors son spoke and as I listened, the thought that occured to me was this: The me I used to be is a lukewarm, afraid of commitment, head down so I won't get called on Christian... The me I want to be is fully and completely on fire for God... His love burning so brightly that all people can see is Him.
And as I thought about that, the imagery of The Hunger Games popped into my head... specifically the interview portion, where Katniss stands and spins revealing the flames that are a part of her dress... She was known as the girl on fire. I love that imagery that evokes... If I allow God to shine through my life, shape me into the me that I want to be (the me He sees and wants me to be), I will be the girl on fire... I am not afraid anymore...
As our pastor's son said on Sunday... we are all pregnant with potential... what we do with that potential is really up to us... will we use it for our glory or for God's glory? I know what my choice is... what will yours be?

Do not let your fears choose your destiny...

I John 4:18 (AMP) reads: There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection].
Beginning two days ago on the second of January, I took the first shaking steps in pursuit of several dreams. This was first spurred on by a friends invitation to me to join The Kite Project. I was leery at first, in that, I wasn't sure I was ready to start that journey... and then I realized that I was getting comfortable in my fear and doubt. So, I signed up and the finger wringing began... what had I just done? What was I going to pursue? How in the world was I going to do this?
Question upon question begged at my mind for answers, pleading to email and take my name off the list... I kept moving forward with an open heart, ready to accept God's word at any time before this all started, because honestly... I was still stuck at the word dream. I knew kind of what I wanted to chase after, but I was unsure if it was really something that I was really passionate about.

*Photo is my own

I've always been one to overthink and then complain when I'd flounder without a true north to point me the direction that I needed to go. I am a firm believer that nothing happens without a purpose... I just have to be more intentional with my life. I identify most with Malcom Reynolds in the film Serenity where he states that he's got no rudder, if the wind blows Northerly, he goes that way... I've always felt like a drifter and a vagabond in search of that elusive dream and passion that everyone keeps talking about.
Before Christmas, I asked God to help me focus my wide spectrum of "the dream" to something a bit more managable... the first thing that came to mind was my lack of confidence... in myself as well as everything I do. The second was writing... specificallty two of the projects that I began a long time ago. The third, as I mentioned a little earlier is my need to be more intentional... I have a bad habit of starting a project and putting it down halfway through, and then never picking it back up again... I guess you could say that there is a little A.D.D. floating around in me somewhere. The fourth and final thing is to become a better communicator. I tend to trip over my words and edit a million times before I say what I actually want to say.
Embarking on The Kite Project has brought one word to mind that has plagued me around every corner of my life... fear... you know that rather unpleasant emotion that's caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm... yup, it's a tricky thing, fear... it will sidle up next to you, become your best friend and consume your life if you let it. Fear is like that one friend you have that will suck all the positive energy from the room and leave you feeling hopeless.
I John 4:18 was the verse that God gave me this morning to fight back that fear I was facing... Not the fear of failure, you see... but the fear of sitting idley by and watching those dreams go out the window and leave me behind entirely... This verse gave me the strength to tell my fear to scram... after all, full grown love turns fear out of doors...
I will not let my fear run my life or dictate my destiny any longer... and so I take the first shaking step toward the beautiful kite tails of my dreams by letting go of my fear.

2013: A new outlook on life

After 31 years on this earth, I am finally beginning to feel at home in my own skin. Sure, I still compare myself to other people, get jealous of someones super awesome talent or mad writing skills... But as 2013 approached, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia. As I looked back over the whirlwind year that was 2012, I was amazed at how much God stretched me. Slowly, over the last few months of this past year, I began to feel less inclined to care what people thought of me and more about what God thought about me. Beginning 2012 by losing my job was a dent in the fender of my confidence that sprialed quickly downward... by the end of February I was ready to throw in the towel. I was tired, I was frustrated and I just wanted to quit... Then I had a talk with Stephen (my amazing hubby) and I was renewed... I was inspired to begin reading my Bible again, I even took a few days to fast and pray... When you ask God for help and renewal, be prepared to be radically blessed. It may not happen right away, but God's not in the business of ignoring us... we may have to be patient (and if you are like me, patience is not a strong suit) but a blessing is coming our way.
After a rough start, 2012 saw the completion of my first Bible Study... Life Lessons with Jane Austen: Persuasion... It also brought forth the startup of Reminder Cross Ministries... the Lord brought some great new friends into my life, a wonderful book group and an amazing new church that Stephen and I have been going for about a 7 months now.
2012 ended with a strong sense of thankfulness and the words intentional and purpose floating around in my mind (more about that later).
I feel as if I've been on cloud 9 these past few days... I've been excited to start writing again this year. I wish you blessings in this new year.