Yesterday was a frustrating and somewhat miserable day... and I'm ok with that... kind of. I sat at work pouting about how frustrated and annoyed I was. I was frustrated by the lack of verbage coming forth to the pristine sheet of notebook paper in front of me. My pen hovered inches from the notebook, yet scribbled nothing... no words came, no interesting turn of phrase, nada (stupid pen)... so, last night, I relaxed, took the dog for a walk and thought. The two miles that I walked not only refreshed my brain (my thinking was that it was so cold that all the writer's block froze and crumbled away...), I was able to just breathe and enjoy a little one on one with God.
This morning as I write this, I am stil a little frustrated with myself, but much less than I was the day before... I am alert and focused, thanks to the two mile walk (I feel that mad props need to go to God on that one... it's way too cold for me to actually want to got for a walk, let alone a two mile jaunt around the neighborhood).
I don't know how many times that I have been in the very situation I was yesterday... frustrated, annoyed and banging my head against the rather imposing wall that is writers block... or, as I see it rather clearly now (I can see clearly now the rain is gone...... no? sorry) myself... I am my own writer's block. God gives me this amazing idea and then I try and make it all about my stupid pride and taking the mad props for myself... when I should be letting God write through me and giving all the glory to Him.
I started off this year with the words purpose and intention rattling around in my head and every part of my heart and soul are echoing those words... not my will but yours, I must decrease and you must increase.
Sunday at church, our pastors son spoke and as I listened, the thought that occured to me was this: The me I used to be is a lukewarm, afraid of commitment, head down so I won't get called on Christian... The me I want to be is fully and completely on fire for God... His love burning so brightly that all people can see is Him.
And as I thought about that, the imagery of The Hunger Games popped into my head... specifically the interview portion, where Katniss stands and spins revealing the flames that are a part of her dress... She was known as the girl on fire. I love that imagery that evokes... If I allow God to shine through my life, shape me into the me that I want to be (the me He sees and wants me to be), I will be the girl on fire... I am not afraid anymore...
As our pastor's son said on Sunday... we are all pregnant with potential... what we do with that potential is really up to us... will we use it for our glory or for God's glory? I know what my choice is... what will yours be?
Love that imagery you pointed out about Katniss...I never thought about that.
ReplyDeleteI hope that fire that is shut up in your bones just overflows from your heart to your hands (pen).
What a beautiful sweet moment you had with Him.
I hope for more for you! :)
I loved the books, but had never thought about the imagery until this past Sunday and let me tell you it hit me really hard!
ReplyDeleteThat is my prayer for this project (and beyond)!
Thank you for the inspiration of Chasing Kites:) God is really using it and you to be a wonderful blessing to a lot of women!