I'm afraid... my failures sit opposite me and stare me down every time I try to write. I start to sink into the waves of my own self doubt... but I call out for God to save me. Peter had the faith to step out onto the water and go to Jesus... he would have made it too, were it not for the fear that attacked him... Jesus didn't mean for Peter to fail... He was doing great until he started to take in his surroundings, then the fear took hold and he began to sink. Peter became his own worst enemy.
Has this ever happened to you?
God lays something on your heart and, initially, you're psyched to get started. Then as you step out in faith and begin working, you start to notice the things around you, the opinions of others, your past, failures... you lose your focus, and suddenly you're panicking because you've lost focus of God and you start to sink into the sea of self doubt and fear.
The funny thing about our minds is that we can train them, rewire them, if you will... I've been reading The Me I Want to Be with a couple of friends and each week one of us take a chapter... this past week was talking about thoughts, and it really hit home with me... this was the post that I came up with:
There is a skunk infestation somewhere in my inner monologue... I can smell it, everytime I start to write.
And its distracting and its nauseating.... this skunk also brings with it the smell of failure, self doubt and sweaty socks... I think I just described the 49ers locker room after the Super Bowl last night... moving on.
I have good days and bad days... and then the really bad days... smells evoke the struggles, anxieties and failures that I keep stocked in the pantry of my mind. A little something to pull out in case my creativity becomes peckish. Instead of going for something healthy and positive, I go for the junk food... that sweet, overindulgent stuff that leaves you with that nagging feeling of regret and failure afterward.
Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Romans 12:2 reads: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I've never been one to take stock in the book the power of positive thinking... but then, it's sold millions of copies and no one has ever written a book called the stink of failure or the stench of loser-dom... so what do I know...
We've all done it... the classic pick a spot on the wall and zone out moment, whether we just need some down time, or to force the problems of the day out of our minds so we can relax... I find in those moments, my thoughts grow stagnent, like water... gunk begins to form at the bottom and glub to the surface as I try to regain my train of thought. Like Sherlock, I am desperate for work and vitality rather than stagnation.
So what should occupy our thoughts? I've always found that Philippians 4:8 is a good reminder: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. When I find myself needing some down time, I grab for my film scores and a good book... usually something that will boost the creativity instead of quell it.
Now negativity is another animal altogether... I tend to retreat to the furthest corner of my mind and cower there until the conversation ceases. I let the fear have a foothold and it seems to grow at an alarming rate.
We may not be able to stop the negative thoughts, but we can set our thoughts to let them slide right off us... have you even seen a ducks feathers up close when they are in the water? The water seems to bead up and roll off... the duck may still get wet, but its feathers prevent it from being drenched by the water. Setting our minds will do this for us... we won't be bullet proof, but comments and negativity would not have quite the effect on us.
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.John Milton
Our brains are amazing things... each of the neurons firing in your mind make you the awesome creation that you are. It's facinating to me that the neuron paths will actually thicken and strengthen as we use them... others seem to atrophy because of lack of use... The mind shapes the brain... each thought, each idea, they are all shaping our brains... training the neurons to fire, strengthening them. I love the reminder that when we practive hope, love or joy, our mind is actually rewiring our brains.
Positivity is difficult in a world that wants to continually blugeon us with negative ideas and thoughts of ourselves... with a world of airbrushed models and perfect teeth, how can we do anything but listen... there is a voice telling you that you were created to be who you are in this moment. The flawed, messy, sometimes neurotic neat freak that you are... just more God centered and you-ier...
God doesn't want us to fail... in fact he's our biggest fan. When we step out in faith, we need to remember that regardless of what is going on around us, we cannot fail if we keep our focus on God. Throw off fear and self doubt and confidently walk toward the dreams that God has for you.
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