Beginning two days ago on the second of January, I took the first shaking steps in pursuit of several dreams. This was first spurred on by a friends invitation to me to join The Kite Project. I was leery at first, in that, I wasn't sure I was ready to start that journey... and then I realized that I was getting comfortable in my fear and doubt. So, I signed up and the finger wringing began... what had I just done? What was I going to pursue? How in the world was I going to do this?
Question upon question begged at my mind for answers, pleading to email and take my name off the list... I kept moving forward with an open heart, ready to accept God's word at any time before this all started, because honestly... I was still stuck at the word dream. I knew kind of what I wanted to chase after, but I was unsure if it was really something that I was really passionate about.
*Photo is my own
I've always been one to overthink and then complain when I'd flounder without a true north to point me the direction that I needed to go. I am a firm believer that nothing happens without a purpose... I just have to be more intentional with my life. I identify most with Malcom Reynolds in the film Serenity where he states that he's got no rudder, if the wind blows Northerly, he goes that way... I've always felt like a drifter and a vagabond in search of that elusive dream and passion that everyone keeps talking about.
Before Christmas, I asked God to help me focus my wide spectrum of "the dream" to something a bit more managable... the first thing that came to mind was my lack of confidence... in myself as well as everything I do. The second was writing... specificallty two of the projects that I began a long time ago. The third, as I mentioned a little earlier is my need to be more intentional... I have a bad habit of starting a project and putting it down halfway through, and then never picking it back up again... I guess you could say that there is a little A.D.D. floating around in me somewhere. The fourth and final thing is to become a better communicator. I tend to trip over my words and edit a million times before I say what I actually want to say.
Embarking on The Kite Project has brought one word to mind that has plagued me around every corner of my life... fear... you know that rather unpleasant emotion that's caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm... yup, it's a tricky thing, fear... it will sidle up next to you, become your best friend and consume your life if you let it. Fear is like that one friend you have that will suck all the positive energy from the room and leave you feeling hopeless.
I John 4:18 was the verse that God gave me this morning to fight back that fear I was facing... Not the fear of failure, you see... but the fear of sitting idley by and watching those dreams go out the window and leave me behind entirely... This verse gave me the strength to tell my fear to scram... after all, full grown love turns fear out of doors...
I will not let my fear run my life or dictate my destiny any longer... and so I take the first shaking step toward the beautiful kite tails of my dreams by letting go of my fear.
This was so beautiful. I hope you are letting go of your fears. Thank you so much for joining the kite project and thank you so much for linking up.
ReplyDeleteI am getting there one step at a time.... it's a process and a trial, handing over these dreams of mine... it is getting easier and more exciting with each shaking step:)
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to get to know all you ladies and your dreams!