Why I am A Christian from a music person's point of view.

I started to write a testimony as to why I was a Christian a little differently... but as I start to write it and overthink, as I often do... there are several songs that come to mind as I start this testimony. I would like to start off with what I think of as my confession... a movement toward a brighter day and a fully purposeful life. It's officially 2012 and I have a few resolutions, that is not a to do list for the first week of the new year, but rather, the building blocks for the rest of my life. It has taken me a long time to get back to this point in my life where I truly feel that God loves me and is going to use me. For so long I have run away from something, something that I used to love... something that used to make me so happy... and yet, for 6 years now I have hidden that under a guise of... no, I've hidden it... period. I loved to sing when I was a kid... I didn't care who heard me... I didn't care if I was out of tune, I was always singing... and I lost my voice somewhere between my 12 year old self and my 30 year old self... sure I majored in it... but that was to prove a point... not so much to myself, but to those voices in my head that I had given faces and authority to... I pointed fingers, blaming those nameless faces as the culprit, when I was the one to blame, if I only took the time to look in a mirror. In college, I liked to sing, but it was nothing like the exhilaration of when I was younger... the thrill I got when I watched the Grammy's (and yes I swore one day I'd be up on that stage accepting my award) or went to a concert... and it wasn't until this Christmas that I realized all this. My in-laws had asked me to sing and I somewhat grudgingly accepted, not knowing what I would sing or how I would even get through the song... because I found that I couldn't sing in the car to my favorite Travis Cottrell songs without breaking down... so the day arrived and I nervously awaited the time that I would sing... and after I finished, left the stage with that glimmer of a thrill that I remembered from when I was younger... when singing meant something and I almost started crying then and there. It's been there, glimmering under a layer of dust and neglect for 15+ years... scarcely used, ignored and purposely avoided... why? Because I was, or rather, am scared. Of what you may ask... failure... not the failing of my voice, but of myself... that I will somehow fail God... which is well founded since I am human, but foolish, since He's the one that gave me the gift in the first place, I shouldn't be afraid to use it.... I should be excited and shouting from the rooftops. I've been reading Dan Miller's 48 days to the work you love and it's basically a life coach in book form and slightly cheaper than actually going to a life coach... but as I was reading the second chapter, he talked about the challenge of change, and that even though change is inevitable, there are three ways we can react... we can be threatened, we can be resentful or we can be excited about the possibilities... up until this point I have been a little threatened, bouncing from unhappy job to unsatisfying job... but this year is a year to be excited about the possibilities that God is presenting to me. So as I finish the next 46 days... I am praying that God will use this book to direct my life into the path that He wants me to be on. All Beginnings are hopeful! But to get back to the question…Why am I a Christian? All the songs are from Travis Cottrell's new CD When the Stars Burn Down. So here goes... The Word of God has Spoken : You’re the lamp unto my feet, You light my path, You’re the only bread of life That always satisfies, You’re the sword that cuts us deep Exposing all our sin, You’re our healing and forgiveness, We are born again. The word of God has spoken, We are changed forever, Power of sin is broken we are free, We are running to salvation, We have been delivered, The word of God has spoken, we are free! When I first became a Christian, I truly had no idea what I was signing on for; I simply knew that God had loved me so much that He sent His Son to save me. I didn't know from what, but that had to mean something... that I was on His mind and heart. Just As I Am : I come broken to be mended, I come wounded to be healed, I come desperate to be rescued, I come empty to be filled, I come guilty to be pardoned by the blood of Christ the Lamb, And I'm welcomed with open arms, praise God, just as I am. I've known this song my whole life and I've never truly embraced it until now. The words expressed my heart, but after hearing the chorus that Travis added, I fell in love with the song. I was broken, and I am being mended, I am wounded and I am being healed, I know that I have desperate times and that God will rescue me. All of these statements have been a part of my life at one time or another, and still are. We are not promised an easy road, but we are promised that God will be with us every step of the way. There's power in the Blood of Jesus: There's power in the blood to save us from our sin, the covering of grace for all who were condemned, our rescue from the dark into the light again, there’s power in the blood of Jesus. There's power in the blood for our pardon and release, to stand in our defense our hope now made complete. Our ransom fully paid in spite of our decree. There's power in the blood of Jesus. To save us all with mercy and forgiveness, the veil was torn and death has lost its sting. Now God and man united once again. There's power in the blood of Jesus. John 3:16 is the most well-known verse in the church... every child knows it from children's church and all the elder members know it from their childhood as well... “For God so LOVED the world that he gave His only son, that whosoever believes in Him will have everlasting life.” He loved us enough to send his Son to die for us, to take our place and pay our price for sin. O precious is the flow, that made me white as snow... no other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus. Refine Me: You're so patient with me, faithful and sure to make me into something better. You know prayers that I've prayed, tears that I've cried. Lord you know my heart’s desire, O to know you, to be more like You. Do what You need to, help me trust You, even if Your love brings me suffering. Help me to hold on to know that You’re strong enough to see me through completely. Refine me. Your joy will be my strength while I'm in these flames; I'm becoming Your reflection. Your kindness will be my song, no I'm not alone, Your presence is my consolation. O to know You, I'm longing for You. This is where I am in my life right now... and it's all for God's glory and my good. This refining is a painful process sometimes, and I know that I have a long way to go... but this song has been my prayer since the beginning of the new year... Do what You need to, help me to trust you, even if Your love brings me suffering. Help me to hold on, to know that You're strong enough to see me through completely. Refine me! I know that as a Christian, my life will not always be easy, but I know that with God, all things are possible. I am a Christian, because I was first loved by God... He chose me, created me, knew me before I was born, and loved me still. I want to return that love and follow after the Creator that loves me... warts and all. Psalm 139 says “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I arise today, through the strength of heaven, light of sun, radiance of moon, splendor of fire, speed of lighting, swiftness of wind, depth of the sea, stability of earth, firmness of rock. I arise today, through God's strength to pilot me: God's eyes to look before me, God's wisdom to guide me, God's way to lie before me, God's shield to protect me, From all who shall wish me ill, A far and anear, Alone and in a multitude. Afore me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise, Christ to shield me, Christ in the heart of every one who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of every one who speaks of me. I arise to-day (The Deer's Cry; The Pilgrim) As I remind myself of this daily, In all things, I will say... Thanks be to our GOD! Thanks be to Our God: Hallelujah! Everlasting songs will rise For all You've done. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Thanks be to our God!