Find out who you are and do it on purpose...

I read a friends blog post this afternoon and it was a letter written to her past self, knowing what she knows now.
As I sat reading it, I had to laugh because the session that I was filming tonight for my study was on peer pressure. In the video, I talked a little about my high school career and the growing pains that I endured.
If I were to write a letter to my past self, it would be the adventurous little second grader... before all the pressures of high school... when I would sing to my worn out mix tapes as I rode my bike. I probably would, however, advise against the bangs...
I have lived a life that has been riddled with the effects of peer pressure... becoming a chameleon so that people would like me... and when that didn't work, I embraced a darker version of myself. I pulled out a personality that bore the sign, no trespassing, and shut myself away from the people around me.
I pulled on a mask to keep people at arms length, sarcasm became my closest friend and biggest nemesis. In 2001, I met two of my closest friends... to this day, we still talk and keep up with each others lives. We all loved books and movies... and would sit and talk for hours. Gen taught me so much in those three years at William Tyndale... I honestly think that it was her influence that pulled me from my "I hate the world" mentality. Kristine gave me a love for books that I'd never read before... she pulled out my true inner nerd and helped it to flourish.
Both of these women are truly amazing and I thank God each day that he brought them into my life. Without them, I don't think that I would be where I am today.
Around the time my husband and I were committing our lives to ministry, I called Gen and we talked a little... she made the comment that I had changed so much... it only hit me a couple of days ago, that I am no longer that girl with a chip on her shoulder and a need to prove herself to people who probably don't even think about me anymore... My focus has changed from the world to the eternal... I have no desire to prove anything to anyone... and I know that I don't have to please anyone other than God.
I think if I were to have a conversation with my younger self, I would tell her to embrace her inner nerd, be unique and hold to God's promises... pray and read the word, even if it gets you labeled a "goody-too shoes". I definitely would have tried to talk her into a Literature degree instead of a music degree...
When it comes down to it, I wouldn't change a thing because I wouldn't have come to where I am today without thoses struggles and without those shortcomings. My two best friends helped me learn that about myself... but I didn't really start living my life until about two years ago when I started dating Stephen... it was through our relationship that I really started to "grow up". I began focusing on reading my Bible and really working to understand the things that I didn't understand. It was then that I really found who I really was...
Dolly Parton once said: Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
Who you are is not defined by what you wear or how you look... but what is on the inside...
1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
Have a great night!