Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Hidden

Your word I have hidden in my heart...
but where...
...where...

Where is it?

sleep eludes me and inspiration comes in riddles

Riddles in the dark... illuminated by my self doubt

The words spill forth like harbored tears for a lost friend.

Your word I have hidden in my heart...

words of trust, strength, and promise echo in my subconscious...
notating chapter and verse in my head...

words of truth bounce around in my soul... playing hide and seek with my conciousness.
What is my purpose?


Where is my place?

Your word I have hidden in my heart...
hidden so deep in my heart that I've lost their meaning...


The power that once swelled from within has been lost.

The words I treasured and revered, the words I knew by heart...


Your word I have hidden in my heart...
But where?


The question remains...
Where are they?


Where are they hidden?
I have no memory of this place...


my soul has locked away those precious words...

comfort and healing on the tip of my tongue taste bitter and metallic...


Your word I have hidden in my heart...
But Where?

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Daydreams and wanderlust

This blog has been silent for three and a half months... mostly due to the hustle and bustle of various holidays and a crazy, unrelenting work schedule.
In this time, I have changed a lot about myself... for the better, I hope.
My husband has gotten me into a series of lectures called Ted Talks... they feature speakers in all areas and aspects of life. As I was watching one featuring a poet by the name of Billy Collins, he read a poem that stuck out to me... one that reflects how my brain has viewed writing as of lately...
BUDAPEST
by Billy Collins

My pen moves along the page
like the snout of a strange animal
shaped like a human arm
and dressed in the sleeve of a loose green sweater

I watch it sniffing the paper ceaselessly
intent as any forager that has nothing on its mind
but the grubs and insects
that will allow it to live another day

It wants only to be here tomorrow
dressed, perhaps, in the sleeve of a plaid shirt
nose pressed against the page
writing a few more dutyful lines

while I gaze out the window
and imagine Budapest
or some other city
where I have never been

I will hopefully be getting back into the blogging soon, as I have missed it... there is a strange longing and emptiness as I dutifully get up and head to work, knowing that my heart is at home or some cozy corner of the world, sitting in front of my computer... writing... but until that day, I must go about life. I am thankful for my life and my job, don't get me wrong... there is a part of me that thinks there is something awesome coming just around the corner... but I am impatient and want it now...
Psalm 46:10 has been echoing in my brain lately... be still and know that I am God... and the being still for me is the hardest part. spiritual wanderlust is setting in after the cold season of winter... so, here's to the new year, a new day and a time when I can be still and relax... new life, new growth, new adventures... Here's to an amazing 2014 (only a month late...)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Being still in a world gone mad

I have been locked in a cage, metaphorical of course... but a cage nonetheless. Ironically, it has been a cage of my own making. Chaining up the dreams for reality, taking the course that was less bumpy instead of grabbing hold of my passions and running for it. Lately I've been missing my muchness... to steal a turn of phrase from the Mad Hatter.
I have allowed the hustle of the store, my lack of writing and my frustration with where I am right now bottle up inside of me... this morning as I was driving up to the store because we were short one person, I was listening to music on my phone and a song on the playlist started playing and I almost started crying.... the song was Be Still by The Fray... the words are so close to Psalm 46:10a:
Be STILL, and know that I am GOD

These words calm me this afternoon as I settle in to write. They echo through my soul as I ready myself to start preparation for Thanksgiving and Christmas... they reverberate as I think of the horrible things that are happening around me in this world.... they remind me that God is still God, no matter the circumstances, no matter what... he is God.
Take some time from your busy day to listen and reflect on this gorgeous song.
Have a blessed day.


Monday, October 21, 2013

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now.

Fear...

(n.) an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.

Why are we afraid? Why is it that we have a fear of the unknown?
I'll admit the future still makes me a little uneasy... stepping out in faith, like Peter causes my heart to leap into my throat at my palms to sweat. My stomach falls to my knees and I felt light headed.
But as I listen once again I hear God saying,
"come".

Now, this is a bit of the conversation that is going on in my head...
Out there?
yes, come on, I'm with you.
But there's water, and it's stormy.
And?
I can't swim...
So?
I don't know God...
I'm here, waiting for you.
But I'm afraid.
I know.
But how can I do this?
Because, I am with you.

Deep breath and take a step... fear begins to subside and my focus remains on God.
But then it happens.

The waves catch my eye, my stomach begins to flop and I panic... then I begin to sink. My arms flail and I cry out to God... he reaches out and saves me.
So here I stand in a familiar situation, standing on the edge of the waves and God is asking me to come out to where he is...
Do I go?
Do I follow?
Or do I just sit where I am and lose out on a great adventure?
Will you let fear run your life or will you let God take on the greatest adventure?
This morning, we sang the song Oceans (Where feet may fail) by Hillsong and I was struck by the words.
How many times do we ask God to push us and then panic when he does?
How many times do we face our fear with ridiculous faith, step out and just go?
I John 4:18 tells us that perfect love casts out fear... I pray this Monday will start with a small step of faith and begin a great adventure for you... wherever you are in life.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Enjoy the day and step out in faith on this glorious day.



Thursday, October 17, 2013

Taking a spiritual inventory

in·ven·to·ry [in-vuhn-tawr-ee, -tohr-ee] plural in·ven·to·ries, verb, in·ven·to·ried, in·ven·to·ry·ing. noun 1. a complete listing of merchandise or stock on hand, work in progress, raw materials, finished goods on hand, etc., made each year by a business concern.
If you've ever held a job at a retail style store, you know what I am talking about... inventory. That day where you either go in early, or stay really late to take stock of what merchandise is in the store... the sales associates come in and scan each piece of merchandise in the store. Each piece is scanned and cataloged in the computer and infractions or missing pieces are taken into account.
It's a painstaking experience that, if you are tired or stressed in any way, can be more frustrating than anything. Each display is scanned and then counted again to verify the scanned count. After that, each section is then audited and recounted or re-scanned if necessary.
So where am I going with this?

How many times do we take stock of our lives? Ask the tough questions and are really honest with ourselves. An inventory is a catalog... a count of stock... so how does this translate to our lives? On the PBS website, they provide questions that pierce through the frivolousness at the surface of life and confront us with the value and significance this precious gift of a human life offers. Who have I been all this time?
How have I used my gift of a human life?
What do I need to "clear up" or "let go of" in order to be more peaceful?
What gives my life meaning?
For what am I grateful?
What have I learned of truth and how truthfully have I learned to live?
What have I learned of love and how well have I learned to love?
What have I learned about tenderness, vulnerability, intimacy, and communion?
What have I learned about courage, strength, power, and faith?
What have I learned of the human condition and how great is my compassion?
How can I best share what I've learned?
Who am I?

While we have this life before us, what will we do with the time that we have left? What legacy will we leave behind when we go? What will people say about us after we are gone?
It's never too early, or late to take stock of your life....
Acts 20:24 reads; However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.
What will you do with the time you have left? Will you live it all with no regret. Will they say that you loved till your final breath? What will you do with the time? -Mark Schultz

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Better late than never...

Yesterday flew by... and before I knew it, it was Tuesday. My day off... so instead of skipping out on my blog for the week, I am completing it now.
In church on Sunday, we sang the song "This is the day", and as I sang through my once favorite (it still holds a special place in my heart) children's church song, I read the Psalm attached to the hymn. Psalm 118:24 reads: This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Perhaps you had a great day yesterday, plan on keeping that joy through the rest of the week... maybe it wasn't such a great day for you... remember those words and keep your head up, find your joy... God is right there with you.
This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Hope that you had a wonderful Monday, I know I did!